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I try to visit with my mother regularly. She is in her 90s, and I welcome the chance to spend time with her. It provides me an opportunity to share memories, update her on what is going on with her grandchildren, and hear stories from her about growing up in San Francisco almost a century ago.
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Given that I was a late addition to the family, these conversations also provide an opportunity to learn more about the early married life of my mother and late father. Recently we had a wonderful visit during which she shared something she did years ago that caught me by surprise.
Without going into detail—and with assurances that it was neither illegal nor immoral in any way—it was not something I would have expected from my mother. When I asked if she was sorry for what she had done, she firmly assured me that she did not regret her actions. That got me to thinking about the nature of “regret” and the effect it can have on our lives and careers.
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Comments
History
Dear Mr. Austin, if I correctly decode your message, there are two issues that need concern: one, History; two, after-thinking. About issue no. one, I only regret that the many ISO 9001 registered organizations fail to meet the 8.4 requirement for data analyses. About issue no. two I don't agree in any "second-guessing hell": all too often - see the aircraft industry as a striking example - we learn from mistakes, and disasters. It may sound trivial, yet I like to remind Frank Sinatra's song "My Way", that was a kind of copy of Edith PIaf's "Je, ne regrette rien". When one blows up one's cat in a microwave oven, one can only whip oneself for idiocy: there's no second guessing. Thank you.
Choice Ideas
Dear Alan,
I enjoyed reading your post. It was thought provoking and I'd like to share some of my thoughts with you.
First, when we reflect on the past we do so with limited scope. As you pointed out: we often wonder how things might have been different had we made choice A instead of choice B. But we fail to recognize that our present circumstance is a result of more than just a single choice. It is, in fact, the product of the interactions of many decisions; some our own, others imposed on us. We don't take a holistic view of the point in our life where we made a particular choice.
Second, I don't know many who thoroughly consider the factors playing into a decision to be made or who consider the breadth of effects a particular choice will have. Thankfully we don't have to engage in this sort of exercise for trivial choices. Nature has programmed us to make them successfully. However, we seem to rely on this programming for complex choices as well. It is those that we look back at with regret, not for having made the 'wrong' choice but for not having made a considered choice.
Finally, I agree with you that we should not reflect on the choices we made, but on the process we used to make those choices. There is no point regretting the choice that was made. It can't be changed. The opportunity that reflection presents is one whereby we improve the process we used to choose.
Best regards, Shrikant Kalegaonkar (Twitter, LinkedIn, Iterations)
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