This is a true exposé from Santa’s mega-factory at the North Pole. The information, apparently smuggled out in a series of notes rolled into scrolls and tucked deep inside elf shoes, was found floating in the open stretches of water known as the North Pole Passage. You may not be aware that elf shoes, with their curled-up toes and red bell on the tip, make very good buoyancy devices, a fact that could prove useful in situations where you cannot access a life vest and you are only wearing novelty footwear.

The notes, all written by hand in a delicate script, were never signed; however, experts involved in their analysis nicknamed the anonymous author the “Grumpy Quality Elf” (GQE). This mysterious journalist captivated the attention of many academics of prestigious universities across the land, all seeking to understand the secrets behind the production processes found in the most remote and desolate factory on earth.

 …