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Jesse Lyn Stoner


How to Make Your Point and Be Heard

Seven tips to say it quick and make it stick

Published: Tuesday, November 21, 2017 - 13:02

It’s quite frustrating to be not heard when you speak up, and unfortunately, it’s more common than you might think.

Speaking up in a group setting is one of the biggest challenges many people face. You have some valuable information and opinions to share, but no one listens to you. It can be hard enough to find something worthwhile to contribute, and when your contribution isn’t even noticed, it can be demoralizing.

It doesn’t happen just in groups. Did you ever have a quick conversation with your boss in the hall and walk away thinking you missed out on the opportunity to share a good idea?

These seven tips will help you quickly make your point and increase the likelihood you will be heard when you speak up.

1. Provide a context.
Before you blurt out your thought, start with a short sentence that explains the intention of your communication or the assumptions you are making. For example: “I have a thought on a different way to approach this” or “I’m assuming the budget is an issue here. I have thought on how we can save some money.” This calls people’s attention to you and also gives them a frame for understanding where your contribution fits.

2. Get to the point quickly.
Make your message brief but also complete. Include all of the information needed to understand your message. But stay focused; don’t ramble, and don’t repeat yourself. People get confused when you pack too much into one statement and don’t know what’s the most important thing to respond to. They get impatient hearing the same thing several times. Make your point, and then pause. You can clarify your intention further based on the response you get.

3. Say it a different way if you’re not understood the first time.
If you need to repeat yourself, don’t just repeat the same words. Explain it in a different way—provide additional information, background information, or use different words.

4. Ask for a response.
Sometimes in groups the conversation moves quickly onto other subjects. If you don’t get a response, don’t assume your point was not valuable. In a neutral way, say, “I’d like to know what you thought about my idea.”

5. Use “I statements.”
Take personal ownership for your ideas and feelings. When you use terms like “some people” or “our group,” it is difficult to tell what you really think and feel or whether you are just repeating the thoughts and feelings of others.

6. If you are having strong feelings, name them.
If you are having a strong feeling that you don’t acknowledge, people will react to your emotions, not your statement. For example, instead of angrily saying, “I have a different idea for how to approach this,” you could say, “Im frustrated with our approach to this problem because we keep doing the same thing with without getting different results. I want to suggest a different approach.” Be sure to use “I” statements. If you say, “I feel angry,” it is less likely to provoke a defensive reaction than saying, “You’re making me angry.”

7. Get feedback on how your communication came across.
If you have a pattern of your messages not being understood or dismissed, ask someone you respect and trust for feedback on how your communications are coming across. Perhaps your tone or nonverbal actions are giving a message you don’t intend.

First published Oct. 2, 2017, on Jesse Lyn Stoner’s Blog. © 2017 Jesse Stoner


About The Author

Jesse Lyn Stoner’s picture

Jesse Lyn Stoner

Jesse Lyn Stoner, founder of consultancy Seapoint Center, has worked with hundreds of leaders using collaborative processes to engage the entire workforce in creating their desired future. Stoner has authored several books including Full Steam Ahead! Unleash the Power of Vision (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2nd rev. ed. 2011), co-authored with Ken Blanchard. Stoner is recognized by the American Management Association as one of the Top Leaders to Watch in 2015 and by INC Magazine as one of the Top 100 Leadership Experts. Stoner has advanced degrees in psychology and family system, and a doctorate in organizational development.