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Lolly Daskal


The Power of Parting

Seven things you need to stop doing

Published: Tuesday, January 12, 2016 - 16:14

A young man came to his wise leader and asked how he could be a better leader. The wise leader said, “Let me pour you a cup of tea.” And so he started pouring a cup of tea; he kept pouring and pouring and pouring until the young man screamed, “Stop! The cup is full.”

The wise leader looked at the young man and said, “Exactly. Your cup is full, and unless you empty your cup first—unless you are ready to part with things you are holding on to—there will be no room for new wisdom, new ideas, new innovation, new reasoning, new anything. There is great wisdom in parting.”

The power of great leadership comes from the power of parting

1. Part with comparing ourselves to others. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. When we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, we lose focus on who we are. Everyone has their own strengths and their own weaknesses, and it’s only when we accept everything about ourselves that we will be truly successful.
2. Part with our shame. There are so many things from our past that keep us in a shameful state. Without realizing it, we tend to act out those demons in our professional and personal lives even though it’s the last thing we want to do. Shame damages the roots from which leadership grows, and leadership can only survive our inner injuries if they are acknowledged and released.
3. Part with thinking we know it all. Many believe that if you are the leader you need to know everything, but the hard truth is this: It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. Socrates said that the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Great leaders are constant learners and students of life and business.
4. Part with our painful past. It’s out of our complex past that we have to find simplicity and meaning in the present. Our painful past has value, because the merit of all things lies in their difficulty. Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to discover.
5. Part with our ego. Leading, managing, guiding, and mentoring from our ego keeps us from being the best we can be. I believe ego really means Edging Out Greatness. The best leaders leave their ego at the door; they part with the notion that they are self-important and they know for a fact that everyone has an important role when it comes to being successful.
6. Part with low self-esteem. I think that the power is the principle. The principle of moving forward as though you have confidence eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done. Low self-esteem keeps us from making strong decisions and caring for our true self. Self-confidence isn’t measured by our capabilities vs. those of others, but by our own needs and achievements.
7. Part with the notion that we’re in control. Change has to come for life to struggle forward. We have to come to terms with the fact that some things are beyond our control, and the power in parting comes from simply realizing that the only person we have control over is ourselves.

Always lead from within. Sometimes the power of parting comes in the willingness to let go of the life we’ve planned so we can have the life that is waiting for us.

First published on Lolly Daskal’s Lead From Within blog.


About The Author

Lolly Daskal’s picture

Lolly Daskal

Lolly Daskal is one of the world’s most sought-after executive leadership coaches, with cross-cultural expertise spanning 14 countries, six languages, and hundreds of companies. As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her leadership program is engineered to be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world. Based on a mix of modern philosophy, science, and nearly 30 years coaching executives, Daskal’s perspective on leadership continues to break new ground. Her proprietary insights are the subject of her book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness (Penguin Portfolio, 2017).